She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
