so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
