And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
