He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
