She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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