And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
