I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
