I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it's like iHOP with fire
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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