I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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