That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
