Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
