How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There are leaves in my underwear?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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