Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
