you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Never underestimate the power of titties
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
