It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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