The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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