Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
