We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
