He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
