His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
