Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
