he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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