got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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