so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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