apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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