My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
