they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
