I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
