Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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