this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
