My friends, they love my intelligence
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
