I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
