I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
