If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
