I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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