Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
