You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
