my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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