I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
