He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
