Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
