we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
