Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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