my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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