At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
