Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
