awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
