Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
