i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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