you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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