Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
