i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
