I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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