i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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